with Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton

Viewed October 5, 2002

After we watched this hilarious movie about two bank robbers who both fall in love with the same woman -- and who then create an unusual solution to their love triangle -- I imagined that we'd spend the whole evening talking about love and romance. So I was surprised that we mainly focused on making choices in our lives and taking responsibility for our actions (Question #11).

Several of us noticed that we don't seem to KNOW what we want as easily as some other people do. So we've wandered around in our lives, not making clear choices and getting pretty much just what we've been programmed to expect for our lives: marriage, kids, jobs, whatever. And for many of us, the life we created wasn't satisfying. However, when we left that life (through divorce or changing jobs), we were faced with deciding what we really DO want, and that was hard.

Some people we've met knew what they wanted, and when they got it, they realized that it didn't make them happy. Which brought up the idea that happiness is really an inside job; that the things I thought would make me happy (like falling in love) were sometimes the things that made me the most unhappy. And in fact, we realized that there isn't really anything that can MAKE me happy; instead of trying to find it outside of myself, I have to start working on the way I think and my attitudes and habits.

So someone else said that it's a matter of taking responsibility for our life. However, some people had trouble with the idea of responsibility, since it can imply blame, shame and fault. One guy suggested eliminating the words "blame" and "fault" from the English language because they are so damaging, and someone else said we need to eliminate blaming and finding fault with ourselves as well.

We did manage to talk a little about love (Question #6). Someone said that he knew a little about how the life of his first girlfriend has turned out, and even though his heart hurt immensely way back then, he knows that his life would have been really boring if it had turned out the way her life has. So he's grateful to have his own life, rather than hers.

Here are the questions:


  1. When I'm disoriented, how do I make sense out of it?
  2. What was my motive when I baited someone?
  3. What does LOVE mean to me?
  4. How do I rationalize my irrational behavior?
  5. What stops me from being spontaneous?
  6. What loves have I lost, and how do I feel about them now?
  7. How have/do I recover from betrayal?
  8. How do I deal with (not) being loved and respected like I want to be?
  9. How do I deal with a "love" relationship where I don't really feel respected?
  10. How can I be a good team player?
  11. How do I deal with not having what I really want?