with Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow

Viewed May 5, 2001

We had expected fluff from this movie, and instead we found a satisfying, complex, dramatic love story. Ben Affleck was affected by his strong feelings of guilt over something that he couldn't control, and that triggered a discussion about the scripts/belief systems/old tapes that we have playing in our heads that tell us that yes, indeed, we DO need to feel guilty about things over which we have no control (see Question 8). Those old scripts also tell us that we're unworthy, stupid, inadequate, and so on. (OK, sometimes we have scripts that tell us that we're worthwhile, intelligent, and perfectly adequate, but they're not as common!) We also talked about ways to rewrite our old scripts.

We also spent a lot of time on Question 1. Several of us commented that they have felt repelled by "needy" people, and yet admitted that they themselves have felt very needy in the past as well. We discussed: Are needs bad or good? Are we all needy? Can we transcend our old scripts/needs and just let them go, or do we have to work through them?

Here are the questions:


  1. How do I feel about being "needy"? About being "needed"?
  2. What problems has lying solved/created for me?
  3. How much do I believe I need someone else in order to be whole?
  4. At what points in my life has personal growth snuck up on me when I didn't expect it?
  5. What's the difference for me between white lies and real lies?
  6. What areas in my life am I most motivated to lie about, and why?
  7. What do I feel guilty about, and why?
  8. In what areas of my life do I feel the need to take on guilt for something that's outside of my control?