Captain Corelli's Mandolin

with Nicholas Cage

Viewed September 14, 2002

I suppose it's natural that in a movie about World War II, we would start thinking about difficult times (Question #2), losses (Question #4), and pacifism vs. war (Question #5). However, we got so involved with the idea of "ownership" in relationships (Questions #1 and 3) that that's the only thing we discussed.

One person said that there's some part of her that would like to feel a sense of mutual ownership in relationships; that feeling like she owns some part of her partner and that he owns some part of her provides a feeling of closeness and connection that she would enjoy. It's just that even though she would LIKE to feel that, her emotions bristle up like a porcupine whenever a guy acts like he owns her in any way. So her emotions don't let her get the feelings of ownership that she'd like.

Her feelings triggered strong feelings in others. A couple of other participants talked about how strongly they DIDN'T want to be owned by anyone else, and vice versa. One of them said his cultural background (Hispanic) taught him to believe that women were something to be owned, and that he has to tear up those "mental tapes" whenever he catches them playing. Unfortunately, they always seem to duplicate themselves and start playing again the next day.

Another participant said she had never had an issue around ownership. She explained that when a guy told her he wanted her to be back home every day at 5 pm, she told him that if they got married they could discuss it then, but not now. She simply knew that he didn't own her time, and that was that. Several participants said they were impressed that she was so clear about it that ownership wasn't even an issue for her.

Here are the questions:


  1. How do I perpetuate the idea that women are property and that they are reactive, not proactive?
  2. How do I celebrate life daily, especially in difficult times?
  3. In what ways is it OK for me to accept or express ownership in my relationships?
  4. What type of losses have I had in my life, and how do I react to them?
  5. How do I reconcile my own pacifism with what appears to be an impending war?