Hula Girls

with Yasuko Matsuyuki

Viewed March 7, 2009

A major portion of our discussion centered around the dichotomy of appreciation vs. shame and humiliation (Questions 7 and 8). Some of us admitted that when people really genuinely appreciate us, we tend to fend it off without thinking. It's kind of a knee-jerk reaction, and it often comes from our experiences as a child wherein appreciation was a prelude to an emotional "body slam." Others were reluctant to accept appreciation because we've learned through experience that the person was just manipulating us with praise so they could get us to do what they wanted.

We talked about how many layers of guilt, shame and humiliation (Question 8) we've built up over the years, especially during our childhoods. It's like we've been mummified with layers and layers of programming from our families during our childhood, and it can take decades, literally, to begin to unwrap those expectations (Question 6) and discover who we are underneath.
(This video was reviewed by Bob McGarey)

Feel free to come and share your own personal insights sometime; the Saturday Night Video and Discussions here in Austin, Texas are a lot of fun and fascinating. (They're free, too.) Here are the questions the group came up with, based on the personal growth themes in the movie:


  1. What keeps me going?
  2. How do I cope with change?
  3. What do I do when I outgrow my teacher?
  4. What have I done when people told me I can't?
  5. At what points have I toughed it out to achieve a goal?
  6. How do I balance my own desires with family expectations?
  7. How have I handled it when I've been deeply appreciated?
  8. How do I cope with childhood guilt/shame/humiliation?
  9. How do I balance blaming myself with blaming others?