"Keeping the Faith"

with Jenna Elfman

Viewed February 3, 2001

I was delighted by this movie. It had lots of funny lines and an unconventional premise (involving a priest and a rabbi, like all the old jokes), and at its core it was really a touching love story that got me all choked up at the end. I would enjoy seeing it again.

However, even though we got lots of good questions out of the movie, we spent a lot of time on a tantalizing side-issue: how do we feel about three-way romantic relationships? We tackled issues like bigamy, polygamy, polyamory and monogamy. Some of us felt more comfortable with monogamous relationships, and just have no desire to expand romantic relationships to include anyone else. Others said that they don't feel that relationships should be limited to just one person if everyone involved wants something else, just as they shouldn't be limited to only heterosexual relationships if everyone involved wants something else.

We also talked about Question #2, and noted that some of the relationships that have brought out the very best parts of us have been ones where we saw in the other person something that we desperately wanted to be-like creativity, spontaneity, self-confidence, etc. Someone suggested that-just as we project negative parts of ourselves onto other people, we also project positive parts of ourselves too, parts of ourselves that are latent and that we haven't yet been able to express in our own lives. So when we fall in love, we may well be falling in love with the person we want to be (and really already ARE, if we would just let ourselves recognize and express it), rather than actually falling in love with the other person.

Here are the questions:


  1. How has duplicity played a negative role in my life?
  2. What people and/or things have brought out my very best self?
  3. What do I really want to be when I grow up?
  4. How have I handled my parents' expectations for what I should be when I grow up?
  5. What struggles have I gone through in my love affairs? in defining my relationships?
  6. How honest have I been with myself in regards to my feelings?
  7. How do I resolve the conflict between my feelings and what I perceive society wants me to do?
  8. How have my responsibilities as a Jew or Christian (etc.) affected my love life?