"Three to Tango"

with Matthew Perry

Viewed February 17, 2001

(Commentary by Larissa Simone)

This was a really fun movie with lots of laughs out loud. Most of the way into the flick, I felt surprised at how good it was, since I'd heard so little of it when it was in theatres. Themes of loyalty, financial security, love and mistaken assumptions about sexual identity mixed to make a fun and unpredictably offbeat romantic comedy. I think I'll laugh just about as hard when I see it again.

The difficult situation that Perry's character was stuck in, seemed to doom his career if he was truthful, but destroy any chance at a perfect budding relationship if he protected his livelihood. This led us to questions about integrity and communication. One person suggested that honest, open communication is THE most important thing in a relationship. (YES!) We discussed how frustrated we feel when others manipulate our emotions by pushing our boundaries past breaking, and how it can be easy to let that happen when they're "nice" about it and seem to so need our help.

One man talked about a long-term relationship that met many of his needs, but his partner really wanted him to change who he was (Question #1) for the sake of her happiness. He learned (the painful way) lessons about setting limits (Question #2). The partner's focus on personal emotional comfort while disrespecting his needs (Question #3) contributed to a break-up, but freed him to move on to feel more real (Question #6) in a relationship where his values would be respected.

These were the questions:


  1. How do I let other people define me?
  2. How do I set my limits with other people?
  3. How well do I respect people?
  4. What am I embarrassed to let people know about me?
  5. In what ways have I let my integrity be compromised, and why?
  6. How real am I with my romantic interests, and everyone in general?
  7. What situations have I been put in, where I have had to lie about who I am and play games?
  8. In what ways am I a sexist, and how does that affect my relationships?